The Get Real Blog

When he sings I can see the Light in his eyes. His smile beams from here to the moon. He loves to sing. His songs are good. They are really good. Why is he not a super star like Jack Johnson or Mark Knopfler? It’s really clear that he is just as good as and maybe even better than some famous song writers. Have you ever heard the phrase “Do what you love”? I hear it all the time. As a professional Life and Leadership coach I have many people hire me to find out what they love to do. The pandemic problem of finding what one loves to do is more prevalent than the swine flu. Explain that one to me? I think after 14 years of revealing conversations with people from all walks of life, I am just now getting a clue to the issue.

Are you ready? Most people know exactly what they love to do. The issue most of time has nothing to do with individuals discovering what it is they love. The challenge is more about people actually “doing” what they love to do. Some of you know that I spent over ten years in the finance and banking industry. I loved what I learned. I did not love what I was doing. I felt sticky at the end of the day. It was not congruent for me.  While banking is an honorable and wonderful profession for so many people, it was not for me. I did not love it. I loved leading seminars and coaching people. I loved honest and authentic conversations where people made powerful choices in their lives that were aligned with what they love to do. Can you hear me?

Now, having said that; lets stay with the point. The point is most of us reading this; know exactly what we love to do. People say I want to do something I love and I say…well ok, what do you love? I love to sing, or I love to write, or I love to lead people, or I love to create projects, or etc…So, then we have a very important clue for success, because the key to loving what you do is simply “do” what it is you love. In Steven Pressfield’s book entitled The War on Art he powerfully states how most of us have tremendous resistance to doing what we love. He believes, and I concur, that we will avoid “doing” what we love with as much energy as we would avoiding the flu bug. It’s not the flu though, it is what we love. The key is to DO it. If you love to sing, then by God sing. If you love to ride your bike then by God ride the hell out of that bike. Ride it until the tires fall off. However, most of us would say; well there we go again living in la la land. Really? Do you think Lance Armstrong lives in a fantasy world? I imagine his checks are very real.

It takes courage to do what you love. I feel making inspiring life choices is about following what we all love to do. Imagine the shift in attitude on the planet if more of us actually did what makes our heart sing. I believe each of us loves something. I believe each of us loves something so much that we have a natural impulse to follow it. Living Life as a Leader requires the courage to follow that path. I know it takes courage. I realize it may not be easy at times. I also am not sticking my head in the sand. I know many of us rationalize not doing what we love because we have families or parents to take care of, or maybe you fear taking care of yourself. Ok, then; I can hear that and I believe if you just start doing what you love a lot of the time, there will be a progression of events that will lead you to some answers.

Today, as in every day I encourage you to reflect on what it is you love. Then ask yourself the question, how could I do that more fully in my life? How could I catapult myself into doing more of what I love to do? You will find the answer, which is almost always true when we ask good questions. Good questions lead to good answers and now comes the inevitable moment of glory. Am I willing to DO what I love? Create a plan and take action toward what you love. The story is clear folks. As a student of leadership; I can assure you that any great success story of the present and the past involved individuals following the tiny prompts of enthusiasm toward what they love.

I can hear your song now. It’s in my head and I cant get rid of it. I can’t get rid of it…because its filled with loving energy. Go do it now my friend…do it until your fingers are bleeding from strumming your guitar. I promise you won’t feel the finger pain, because loving what you do is more powerful than you think.

Loving,

Stephen

The world is not the same. Let me explain why? This past weekend I brought together a group of recognized leadership coaches and consultants for a 6 month prosperity program. The results were amazing. These leaders gathered together for two days to explore the deepest essence of service and transformation. How cool is that? Every single participant is gifted in their profession. Craig Zablocki one of the greatest speakers on humor in the whole world was in attendance (www.positivelyhumor.com). Master Chris Natzke (www.familymartialarts.net) at the top 1% of his field teaching martial arts excellence to business people was present as well. In fact, each and every person held an amazing vision of possibility.

As I facilitated this session, I was often struck by the humility in the room. Try not to confuse humility with powerlessness. These are powerful people. Yet, they listened and were generous of spirit with each other. When a group like this comes together, what emerges is a team. When a team gets aligned, what manifest are powerful results. That’s why I love my work. I can tell a group from a team in an instant. It’s easy to see when people have a personal agenda or a higher purpose. The “higher good” team gets a lot more done faster.

A few months ago, I was working with a team of highly skilled professionals that spent a majority of their time in meetings trying to be “right.” It’s exhausting. Round and round the conversation goes. Nobody wins and very little gets accomplished. They play emotional mind games with each other under the guise of caring. The most amazing thing about a group (notice I did not say team) like this is they feel they have no problems. Never mind that other departments cringe when their names come up. They don’t think they have a problem because each of them “is” the problem. It’s as if there is an addiction to the drama of problems.

Now here’s the thing. Most people reading this are working with some kind of a team. It matters not the size of the team or the function of the team. What matters is the synergy and impact of the team. How does a team become great? A team must make a shift from hubris to humility. Each individual, moving to a place of serving the team, can assist in this shift occurring. It usually does not happen overnight. It may not happen at all unless somebody is willing to become humble for the team. How would that work? Something magical occurs when a person gets vulnerable in a team. It happens on sports teams, business teams, board teams, church teams and even families. Someone needs to stop the craziness and bring openness to the conversation.

Often, that is why I get hired by groups or organizations that are stuck. To get “unstuck” requires honesty and openness. I simply ask questions and create a way for people to say what needs to be said.

This is where your leadership matters. Some people feel that they can’t make a difference on a team. That’s the victim speaking. The leader in YOU sees this as an opportunity to create something powerful. You may have to be consistent, creative and even loving…but you can make changes…they do happen.

The point is… humility rocks! It can at times be your most powerful attribute. I think of the people in my business and life that exhibit this attribute as courageous lovers of life. Ironically, humility requires greater Self Esteem than Egoist Pride.

I encourage you today to consider how you can live more fully in your humility. You will notice that most people are attracted to the authenticity of it. I am not saying you need to cry or be emotional. I am saying just be truthful and transparent about life. It’s refreshing and it lets people know you’re not made of plastic. I find it very freeing.

Be well

I remember my first real job. I was sitting in the new employee orientation program. I was wearing my new uncomfortable shoes. Man, they were shiny. Hurt like hell…but shiny new…a moment in time…dreams of being extraordinary. The President of the Bank came in to talk with us. His shoes were even shinier than mine. He inspired me…and I thought one day I want to impact people like that. I want to shine…I too wanted to be extraordinary. However, how does one become extraordinary? How does one make a shiny difference in life and business?

On that day I knew I had much to learn. I still do…after 25 years of experience, mistakes, and willingness to be ordinary. What you say? Being ordinary…is the key to the extraordinary. I have seen myself and others go for extraordinary results on many occasions. Sometimes those results are attained and sometimes they are not. However, for most of my coaching clients and world class teams the Extra-Ordinary results have come from a consistent focus on the ordinary things that make business and life exceptional. I ask you to consider the freedom in the ordinary. I used to find that focus boring or less than adventuresome…and man oh man was I ever off course. I must say that even on the Wilderness trips that I have led the most amazing experiences came from a team of us devoted to the discipline of putting one foot in front of the other to summit our extraordinary peaks.

So if someone were to say to you. Are you an extraordinary person? You may swallow hard…and chirp out a vibrant YES….I too am special. Some part of us knows the beauty and power of Living as a Miracle Leader comes from the simple ordinary result of applying ourselves in a fearless fashion each and every day. Sure I think there are brief shining moments of glory as an Olympic athlete wins his 4th gold medal. That my friends is amazing…and it came from early morning swim meets…training day in and day out and ordinary thoughts .The question I pose is this: Are you willing to do ordinary things to have an exceptional result?

I find most people want the result without the effort or the focus. Don’t be a dummy…get real and consider the courage in the next step…the next swim and the simplicity of shiny old shoes. Today is a day of celebration. This is a day to celebrate the leadership of consistency. All of us can do that. One step, one thought, one integral moment of Grace at a time. I invite you to join me in creating something miraculous on this day from the very essence of your simplicity.

I was speaking on the East Coast this past week and out of the blue, I began to question what the difference is between positive thinking and intelligence? It’s not like I am the resident expert on either subject. However there was something magical as I talked about what the two meant to me. First, I think positive thinking has been a good thing for many people. Let’s just say the endeavor to be “positive” will likely be more serving for most people than the endeavor to be cynical. However, I have known some people (yes, even me in my not so distant past) that have been more positive than intelligent…so let’s explore that.

I remember once having a really bad head cold. You know the kind, including red eyes, runny nose, fever, and a plastic smile. People would say: How are you feeling?  I’d instinctively reply something along the lines of “I feel great. I feel better all the time. Don’t worry about me”….  “I am fine”.  That’s almost as yuck as the cold itself. Everyone knew I felt like crap. I looked like crap.  It was just not real.  I don’t really know where that began for me. Maybe it was the Peter Lowe seminar I did in the mid 1990’s. Somewhere along the lines I got good at saying I was great…fine…wonderful…without really being present with the truth.   I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had this conversation.

Now having said that, let’s introduce intelligent thinking into the mix. It might have been more intelligent (meaning to have some degree of wisdom) to cop to the fact that I had something funky running out my nose, my body ached and I needed to sleep. In fact, I submit it would have been in the realm of intelligent thinking to admit that “I don’t feel great” and “I am doing some things to take care of myself. I am taking vitamin C…I am getting more rest….I am clearing this head cold by tomorrow morning”. The idea is one of presence and real about what is happening as an intelligent way of being.  I believe the “I’m fine” answer has become our collective “auto-response” to the question.  My challenge to you is to speak the truth and move on, rather than speaking for the sake of having words to say.

I think movements like “The Secret” and many other good news programs can really support us in our journey to live beautiful lives. However, it’s important that we not lose touch with the reality of what we are really dealing with. I am not encouraging us to get stuck in “stinking thinking” but rather to embrace the situation as we choose a new direction for a solution.

Obviously the runny nose example is plebian…and you can relate to the same scenario with your work projects, fitness programs, finances etc. It makes no sense to not be real and authentic. In fact, I believe once you can really “own” your runny nose, you can move yourself to healing more quickly than if you were to deny it. Because you cannot leave a place that you have never been – getting real with where you are empowers you to clearly see the next steps to move towards what you want to create.

Being authentic is the grease on the slide of life. You can move more freely and most people will feel closer to you…than if you play it “cool” all the time. Two of the greatest business coaches I know, Steve Hardison and Steve Chandler use life tribulations to inspire others on to greatness. I invite you to do the same from moment to moment to moment. Be real, be authentic, and seek the solutions that catapult you into a powerful way of living.

I’ve been thinking about commitment. Commitment used to be one of those words that scared me. Perhaps I was afraid I would not be very good at committing to things. However, as I have learned more about commitment I have found the concept to be exhilarating. Consider that being committed to something is actually a great way to achieve freedom. I think freedom is at the core of what so many of us are looking for as an experience.

As a professional coach I ask lots of people what they want in their lives. Many times people say “Money”…ok great…and what will money do for you…well it will give me freedom. I can understand that. Consider this as a possibility – I think that commitment comes before freedom can be achieved. I also think a significant time commitment to your success comes before financial freedom. (Unless you are a trust funder or you’re good at scratching lotto tickets.)

In either case, you will still not likely be free on the inner levels until you have some level of commitment to your Self. By this, I mean that the things I follow through on in my life feel good. It’s like that guy in the tight shirt singing…:” I feel good, I feel good”….it works. Try it Mikey.

Commitment is good.  It is good for love. It is good for work. It doesn’t have to be boring. For example, you can be committed to having fun or you can be committed to adventure. I know a lot of people that are committed (no not the asylum) and I know lots of people not committed. I have people tell me lots of times they are committed to things that they aren’t. I can hear commitment in a person’s voice. It just rings with a certain tone.  Commitment is one of those things that can be thwarted by fears and past experiences.  Once we establish a notion that committing is “bad” or “scary,” it will definitely block the process.

I used to judge people that weren’t committed…and then the sobering reality hit me – I was just seeing me in them. Now that I can see it…I no longer have the judgment.   I realized how many times I had said I was committed to something and I quite possibly really believed I was. But I really wasn’t. It’s all good though – because that’s how I am learning. However, it inspired me to see commitment differently than I ever had before.  That is to no longer look at everything as “working or not working”. For example: If I am committed to a project…I am committed to making that project successful regardless of what is working or not working. I will be committed to the end.

What are you committed to?

We are thrilled to have Tim Sanders as our very first member of the Miracle Leader Hall of Fame! Tim Sanders is the bestselling author of Love is the Killer App, The Likeability Factor and his newest book Saving the World at Work: What Companies and Individuals can do to go Beyond Making a Profit to Making a Difference is due out fall 2008.

Tim is truly leading miracles in the workplace by introducing compassion, humanity and social responsibility into business and revealing how this leads to increased profitability and a more positive and productive work environment.

Love is the Killer App. When I first heard the title of the book…I had no idea what it meant. Love is the Killer App? What did that mean? Is the author, Tim Sanders, going to offer Love as the Hors D’uevres at his next big shin dig? Then after thinking about it, my slow brain began to function. I got it. Ok…Love makes for the Killer Application (not appetizer).

 If you have not had the opportunity to read this fabulous book by Tim Sanders…run, don’t jog, to your nearest internet based book store and read it! I promise it will put a fresh flavor on the pseudo- spiritual books that talk about Love from someone’s translated opinion.  Sanders gets it!  He knows that Love is not just some soppy emotion to make people feel better…Rather, it is the key ingredient to Mom and Apple Pie. Let’s just say without Love there is no Mom and there is no apple pie. Furthermore, there is no relationship and no multi-million dollar deal.

What Sanders explains is that Love is an application. It is a way of being that ends up “doing” a miracle of good for the workplace and the entire planet. I love that. Don’t you?  I believe that his practical and application-oriented way of talking about love as a service to others is profound and a much needed reframe for the world. For example: If I really study to keep myself up on the latest information about a particular topic, I can more easily share that with others. It adds value…and it adds love. It is in fact the Loving thing to do. That is only one good example of application from his book.

The question I have been asking for years in my study of successful organizations is whether people work more creatively from a place of fear or love? Oh duh…let me see…says the old style autocratic manager…As you can imagine, it is usually fear.  They want to keep their people in fear so they will be obedient and he remains in control. Ultimately, this kind of manager is really just fearful he or she might not have all the best ideas.  That same old style manager is still hanging out somewhere south of the industrial revolution. Has anyone noticed our economy is not based in manufacturing anymore?  My point is, you can beat the daylights out of a machine and chances are it will probably keep running for you, as long as you put gas and oil in it. If you beat your people they will likely poop out…or resent the hell out of you (or quit). People generally don’t do their most creative work when they resent their managers.

I remember when I first started talking to groups and people about Leadership. It seemed like we were in the midst of a huge transition. We were transitioning from the old management style which involved telling our people what to do to that of being of service to our people. We were in the midst of a shift from a mechanical revolution based in widgets and auto engines as we moved to a technology based society. The new technology was connecting  people at a Mach 10 pace which meant all of us had the information instantly. We could learn faster and share information with a click of our mouse. This was an interesting dynamic for the managers for it signaled a new era where they  could no longer control their people. Managers now had to begin to learn to serve the customers and the employees.

Now don’t get me wrong…I am not saying that the employee is running the show. I am saying if you don’t listen to your employees, give them a voice and contributing to your decision tree you’re not truly serving the business. Most employees are smarter than their managers these days. Smart, successful managers will embrace and love this shift that has been made and leveraging the fact that employees got it “going on.” 

The point that Sanders drives home in this excellent book is that Love really can make your world go around. You won’t be looking for a job ever again because the only job you have from now on will be Loving everyone from the customer to the chatty seat mate on the long late flight to Boston.  We are all too connected through technology and consciousness to deny it any further.

The point which I agree so wholeheartedly with Tim Sanders is that there is a definite pertinent connection between Leadership and Loving.  I dedicated an entire chapter to this in my book Learning to Believe the Unbelievable: Living Life as A Miracle Leader. Chapter 12 is devoted to the energetic of Loving. Some people might call it trust and others may refer to it as respect. Frankly, I don’t give a hoot what you call it as long as you get in touch with the critical connection of Loving and Leadership.
You have got to get real about the fact that if you don’t love your job on some level then you will stink at it. This will become more and more evident the further you go forward in a job you don’t love. 

Additionally, if you don’t really love people on some level you will stink at relationships, too. It’s time to stop complaining about the people around you anymore and step forward in your power. Perhaps you are surrounded by a few scoundrels. Maybe you’re the scoundrel. I have played the part as a scoundrel quite well a few times, my dear friends. We all have. But now I can always come back to love. 

I can always open my heart to the courage of the human Spirit and celebrate my Leadership through Loving. So there is no reason to feel doomed. Just get hip to the fact that Love and Leadership are the Killer Applications. Realize that the only application you will need to fill out is within you – it is your own ability to lead your own life and love it. If you can exist in this world with those skills and abilities, you will indeed be a commodity beyond compare. Yes, you will still need to be able to turn on a computer and find the coffee pot…but make sure on your way you let someone in the office know you care about their world too. That may show up as being a great listener or telling the truth fast and your personal leadership has many faces. You just need to know what face to take to the bank today…and everyday.