I had a big bruise and some blood on my ego. Why? Because I kept beating my head against the same habit and not getting any results. How many of us reading this can relate to the feeling of spending 80 percent of your time on a 20 percent result? That’s not very smart is it? It’s not very smart for me, because I value making a difference in my work and I am finding that 80 percent of the results in my business and my life come from 20% of my focus. Now, I realize I am piggy backing off of the great Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who taught us this value in what he called Pareto’s principle. Basically Mr. Pareto’s research shows that spending 20 percent of our time on certain priorities, can produce 80 percent of our results in life and business. While his work was predominately applied to projects, resources, time and management function; today I am seeing a much deeper application.

The deeper application of this principle has more to do with people in our lives. Have you noticed that there are people that once you leave their presence you feel lifted and inspired, while others leave you feeling drained. At the risk of divulging my own judgments, there is a deeper application to this reality than some might think. Have you ever considered that there are some people that no matter what you do, no matter how kind; or how service oriented you are will continuously leach your energy? These people are stingy. They take more than they give and most conversations are about what is not working rather than what is working. These people can take 80 percent, and in some cases even more, of your valuable life energy. Life energy and enthusiasm are vital to leaders. My point is not about judging others; rather it is about personal preferences around who you want in your precious life. Most people are really busy these days and don’t have time to spend that much energy with certain people or situations.

Today, I invite you as a Life Leader to consider the compassion and courage in cutting those people and situations free from your life. It can be done with Loving and it can be done with Grace. However, some of us just keep trying to please those people. If you look at the history of your relationships you will see what I am talking about. It’s true with clients and customers as well you will find that you will spend an inordinate amount of physical, emotional, and mental energy on trying to “please” certain customers. What am I recommending? I am recommending that you “serve” yourself and others by having the courage to set yourself free. Sometimes there is just not a fit. Sometimes communicating that there is not a fit is the leader like thing to do.

This week, I found myself in my own self imposed predicament. I woke up one morning this week with a very heavy heart. I can’t remember the last time I woke up not looking forward to the day. I found myself whining. I was pissed off at myself for finding myself in this place. It was not anybody’s fault. It was not even my fault. It is a simple act of awareness. If you’re not having fun with certain people or customers in your Life and Business, I recommend setting those people free by having the courage to acknowledge there may not be a fit. If it is not a fit for you, it probably is not a fit for them either. Complete these relationships with dignity and integrity and don’t wait too long as avoidance will only rob you of precious time and energy.

Now, let’s be clear; I am not talking about quitting when the going gets tough. I am talking about being clear regarding your life and leadership priorities and consciously devoting 80 percent of your time to the 20 percent that livens your spirit. That 20 percent comes from the situations and people in your life that are actually appreciative of your time and are aligned with getting results. This one shift will save you 80 percent of your energy that now can be spent creating great results and being with people that you love to be with you too. I realize that some of us are in jobs that require us to spend time on situations that we cannot disengage from. I am not talking about those. I am talking about the people and situations that you can choose to be with or without. However, as a leader you must know there is always a choice of some kind. Always!

Here’s the deal. You have only so much time each day. How do you want to spend your day and your life? This is not some emotional rationalization. It’s real, it’s necessary, and it works! Forget about the heavy heart and find your Light again by choosing where you focus your energy. What people do you want to spend more time with? Those people deserve your presence and there will be exponential energy from those relationships. Basically today is about finding your 20/80? Reevaluate today. What action will you take? How will this free you up to serve your business, your family and your life?

Blessings abound.

Stephen

When he sings I can see the Light in his eyes. His smile beams from here to the moon. He loves to sing. His songs are good. They are really good. Why is he not a super star like Jack Johnson or Mark Knopfler? It’s really clear that he is just as good as and maybe even better than some famous song writers. Have you ever heard the phrase “Do what you love”? I hear it all the time. As a professional Life and Leadership coach I have many people hire me to find out what they love to do. The pandemic problem of finding what one loves to do is more prevalent than the swine flu. Explain that one to me? I think after 14 years of revealing conversations with people from all walks of life, I am just now getting a clue to the issue.

Are you ready? Most people know exactly what they love to do. The issue most of time has nothing to do with individuals discovering what it is they love. The challenge is more about people actually “doing” what they love to do. Some of you know that I spent over ten years in the finance and banking industry. I loved what I learned. I did not love what I was doing. I felt sticky at the end of the day. It was not congruent for me.  While banking is an honorable and wonderful profession for so many people, it was not for me. I did not love it. I loved leading seminars and coaching people. I loved honest and authentic conversations where people made powerful choices in their lives that were aligned with what they love to do. Can you hear me?

Now, having said that; lets stay with the point. The point is most of us reading this; know exactly what we love to do. People say I want to do something I love and I say…well ok, what do you love? I love to sing, or I love to write, or I love to lead people, or I love to create projects, or etc…So, then we have a very important clue for success, because the key to loving what you do is simply “do” what it is you love. In Steven Pressfield’s book entitled The War on Art he powerfully states how most of us have tremendous resistance to doing what we love. He believes, and I concur, that we will avoid “doing” what we love with as much energy as we would avoiding the flu bug. It’s not the flu though, it is what we love. The key is to DO it. If you love to sing, then by God sing. If you love to ride your bike then by God ride the hell out of that bike. Ride it until the tires fall off. However, most of us would say; well there we go again living in la la land. Really? Do you think Lance Armstrong lives in a fantasy world? I imagine his checks are very real.

It takes courage to do what you love. I feel making inspiring life choices is about following what we all love to do. Imagine the shift in attitude on the planet if more of us actually did what makes our heart sing. I believe each of us loves something. I believe each of us loves something so much that we have a natural impulse to follow it. Living Life as a Leader requires the courage to follow that path. I know it takes courage. I realize it may not be easy at times. I also am not sticking my head in the sand. I know many of us rationalize not doing what we love because we have families or parents to take care of, or maybe you fear taking care of yourself. Ok, then; I can hear that and I believe if you just start doing what you love a lot of the time, there will be a progression of events that will lead you to some answers.

Today, as in every day I encourage you to reflect on what it is you love. Then ask yourself the question, how could I do that more fully in my life? How could I catapult myself into doing more of what I love to do? You will find the answer, which is almost always true when we ask good questions. Good questions lead to good answers and now comes the inevitable moment of glory. Am I willing to DO what I love? Create a plan and take action toward what you love. The story is clear folks. As a student of leadership; I can assure you that any great success story of the present and the past involved individuals following the tiny prompts of enthusiasm toward what they love.

I can hear your song now. It’s in my head and I cant get rid of it. I can’t get rid of it…because its filled with loving energy. Go do it now my friend…do it until your fingers are bleeding from strumming your guitar. I promise you won’t feel the finger pain, because loving what you do is more powerful than you think.

Loving,

Stephen

It was surreal. For the first time in 38 years I sat at a dinner table between my Mother and Father. The story is long and the details are not as important as the outcome. However, I will tell you that for most of my life, I would have thought that the possibility of Mom and Dad being together in the same state was an impossibility, never mind having dinner together. Nearly four decades ago my parents separated. It was an ugly time in my life. Any thoughts of conventional upbringing ripped to shreds as their marriage and relationship broke apart, never to be revisited. The damage was done. It was only seven years ago, after 31 years, that I too reconnected with my Dad. That’s another story and let it be known that this night was a miracle in the making for a long time.

It seemed natural in some ways. It was as if the time that had passed was standing still. The conversation at our dinner was “small talk” and beneath the conversation of a time gone by was a healing of herculean proportion. Most of us have somebody in our life that we feel we could never forgive. We have been betrayed. We have been hurt. They have wronged us. Perhaps that is true. Maybe there are times in our life that we could actually justify “despising” another human being. Or at least that is what we think. My experience about being right over being wronged is that it never works. We end up being the one carrying the pain with us. It’s like the Charlie Brown character Linus with the cloud of dust always around him. It blankets us in smog of confusion and judgment.

I have said that Life Leadership requires courage. My Mom demonstrated tremendous courage by getting on a plane to spend a weekend with my Dad and my siblings. She is courage in action. She is an example of healing access for herself and all of us. How can you relate? Have there been times in your life where “burying the hatchet” would be an act of courage and healing? Where have you as a leader avoided taking the high road toward forgiving? I bring this forward in my writing today, because in my years of coaching people, I have seen where so many of us as human beings avoid the healing because it is uncomfortable. Maybe there are readers today, that might say; listen dude I would never forgive so and so for what they “did” to me. Ok, I can hear that. And maybe it’s high time you forgive yourself for the energetic charge from the situation. It’s just too heavy otherwise. Your life then can be steeped in heavy negativity. Is it really worth being right when we have been wronged? Who is the winner?

Last night, as I passed the cornbread; I watched my Mom glow like a Goddess of Light Leadership. My Dad was deeply compassionate and understanding of the ramification of the past 38 years. I could tell by his sensitive and loving eyes. The waiter would never know.

Today, I write to you about relieving yourself of a load. It’s a requirement for living free. There is not a person reading this that is exempt from some form of “betrayal.” I heard it said once that all of us will suffer from some form of betrayal in life. I think that’s probably true. The question I pose today for our leadership exercise is this. Where does the greatest learning and growth come from? Does it come from the easy times in our life and business, or from the most challenging acts of forgiveness? You know the one; the one that gets us in the gut. It’s the one that has us up against ourselves.

I invite you today to consider the possibility healing the toughest situation in your life. Maybe you don’t ever have to come to agreement with the person or situation. Perhaps it’s just about acknowledging what had occurred and sharing some cornbread. I don’t think healing involves understanding. I think it involves action. I think it involves understanding there are not any answers sometimes. Sometimes its just two people that did the best they could in a given situation. Maybe that is the best thing to acknowledge, then letting it go and moving on with greater ease and Grace.

Ok, enough already. Hey, Please Pass the Cornbread.

Stephen

She makes it so hard on herself. I can see it clearly. Her life is good and sure there are things to adjust, to fine tune, to increase. That’s partly what life is about. Part of Life Leadership is course correcting to what we want. My friend does not really want to hear that. I invite her to get present and really hear what she is saying. Yet again, a side step; she cant receive the acknowledgment. She is beyond being acknowledged because she is on the defensive and ready to fight at a moments notice. The problem is she is only fighting with herself. She throws another right to the jawbone. I can hear her teeth grind together. Here comes another one to the gut. Ouch! That one must have knocked the air out of her. Once again the conversation moves to Self Responsibility. Quickly her ego hears the threat…and Bam an upper cut to the jaw. This round is over. She falls to the mat in self resignation and another one goes to the shadow.

Have you ever caught yourself boxing your own shadow? It’s a lot of activity with no real opponent. Those of us that are proficient shadow boxers know what I speak of here. I spent years boxing my own shadow…creating obstacles in my path that were illusory by nature. Boxing shadows is not all bad. I suppose there was some endemic value in what I was learning. I also discovered that I often punched myself longer than I needed to. Over time I began to see that boxing shadows was a powerful metaphor for my avoidance. I was boxing to resist what I really wanted to create. If my energy is spent defending myself against myself, I cannot create my life or business with the same intention.

How much time and energy do you spend beating yourself up? I find that pummeling yourself is quite over rated. I’m not talking about giving and receiving constructive feedback. That is different. I am speaking about arguing for what limits you. I am talking about finding things about ourselves that keep us playing small at work and in our relationships. From my experience it’s not very productive and it doesn’t really accomplish much of anything.

How do you know if you’re a professional shadow boxer? As a former professional, I can remember talking about the same problems over and over. That is a sure sign of it. The same conversations about the same problems don’t lead to solutions. It will assuredly lead to the same problem if I don’t have the wit to see the circuitous nature of my own pattern. Another sure sign of self abuse is being surrounded by others who wallow in my self pity. If you find there is a general recurring theme to your conversation, you are likely to be boxing your own shadow.

As a leader you will find you won’t have much time for fighting with yourself. You will move your energy and enthusiasm to creating something new or improving on an existing situation. Here’s the thing. Every one of us has a shadow. Nobody is exempt. You can’t walk into the sunshine without having it follow you. It’s always there. Your shadow wants to be noticed. It wants you to notice it. I recommend making friends with your shadow. If nobody is looking you can say hello to your shadow. The point is he/she is not going away. You don’t want your shadow to go away. If it went away it would mean you would be living in the dark.

So what’s the solution? What happens if you just stand still? Slow the conversation down. Learn to really listen to the information people are sharing with you. Come into a beginners mind and ask lots of questions. Shadows tend to position themselves. They want to win…and they want to be right. One sure way to throw your shadow for a loop is to ask questions about your situation to people that are willing to be honest with you. Ask people how they experience you? Be willing to really hear what they have to say. Trust that most people really do care and want the best for us. The world is an amazing and wonderful place and while I feel it’s important to be aware that your dark side exists, I don’t think focusing on it as a reality is very supportive of great leadership.

This week, I encourage you to stop beating up on you. Pat yourself on the back. Give yourself a high five and buy and ice cream cone. Keep your hands up….enjoy the sunshine and let your cynical side know…who the real champion is. Get into the ring with a bigger problem than yourself. Find a cause at work to go to bat for. If you are going to be a boxer get into the big ring and lead with experience and attributes of leadership. I know you will find it rewarding beyond compare. As always, I look forward to your comments.

Best,

Stephen McGhee

P.S. On Saturday, November 14, 2009 I will speaking in Salt Lake City, UT along with Steve Chandler and Darby Checketts at the Thriving in the New Economy event.

The event is all about choosing to boldly create a new economy instead of cowering down to whatever the current economy throws at us! It will be a day of empowerment and transforming uncertainity into new new possibilities.

I will be speaking on…
- How to inspire exceptional accountability through your entire organization.
- How listening creates exceptional value.  
- How to become an exceptional leader through generating questions rather than answers.

Join us…
www.ThriveInUtah.com

I did something very difficult and unpopular a few weeks ago. It was not intended as an egregious act and yet it had a direct impact on people I love and respect. Some expressed disappointment in me. Others supported me. Many I’m still not sure about. I reneged on a promise.

It was not the easy thing to do. Yet there is no question inside me that I would have displayed less integrity by following through on my commitment. Am I a rationalizing machine, making my lack of follow through fodder for my own weakness? When, if ever; does life have flex to it? You tell me. Today my message isn’t about answers. I have only questions for you today. What is the litmus test for integrity?

I know that since my decision, I place my head on my pillow at night and feel whole and complete. I also know that for me, my decision was actually the more courageous one. I know that after the dust settled, the world is good and right and my life is energized with enthusiasm. I know that I communicated my change in commitment to those I love in the best way I knew how.

In fact, as I sit here today a few weeks out from my decision, I can see more clearly that my choice has served me and others. Sometimes you will do things in your life that others will disapprove of. They will let you know how they feel. That’s just fine with me because in actuality…I prefer an open honest dialogue. That’s life, right? How can any of us in life please everyone? My life has never been about pleasing others. My life is about serving others.

Pleasing others and serving others is a very different orientation. How does a man (or woman) live perfectly? I don’t know how to do that. I do know how to listen deeply inside myself to see what is most true for me. I know how to look into a mirror at the end of the day and know whether I did the best I could, or I gave up on myself. I know the difference between those two experiences. I know that my intention is to be a good man, to do the right thing and there lies the greatest challenge of all. What is the right thing?

Is it the right thing to adhere to principles no matter what occurs? Is that an act of leadership? You see, today; I am asking for you to dialogue with me. I am asking you, this challenging question of leadership. I believe that leadership is a blend between linear and flow…between Kairos and Chronos …the mix between all of that steeped into an mixture of experience and intellect that serves the highest good. Is there ever a time to break a commitment? If I say yes to that question, then am I rationalizing my position because I am weak and undisciplined… or does new information presenting itself require a new course of action?

Our own government has displayed the detriment to a committed course of action on more than one occasion. It’s like the family secret that nobody talks about. Most people can see that blindly sticking to an existing commitment, just for the sake of commitment, is just foolish. New information can mean new commitment and a different course of action. Leaders that put their heads down and don’t look at new landscape are living in a fairy land. We have seen corporate leaders do the same thing. I have seen leaders take a company into the dirt because they were unwilling to change existing commitments. Sometimes leaders are rigid when they need to be creative. At times that rigid view point can even cost lives.

How about you? Have you as a leader in life and business ever experienced the integrity of changing your commitment? Sometimes planting seeds of integrity is unpopular. How does it work for you in your life? What have been your greatest lessons in leadership regarding commitments? I encourage you to share with me and others what you think. This is a conundrum in life for which I welcome your commentary on. It seems to me that discipline and principles are of huge importance in leadership. It also seems that rigidity can interfere with the flow of life. When are you walking up a muddy river making your life hard for everyone around you because you are fixed on principles and where do you stop and notice that the flow is down stream? Maybe just staying in the river is the greatest act of leadership? What do you think?

I can tell you one thing today. No matter what I do, I am responsible for cleaning up my mess. I am committed to that. I may be unpopular at times in my life and I won’t bury the crap. It works to get into an authentic conversation with people that I impact. Do not put that off or wait until you feel like it. Do it rapidly and do it with earnest. It won’t mean that everyone will agree. That is not likely to ever be the case. I do know that through authentic communication people can move to greater understanding and learning.

For me this is a day of questions. Can you provide me any answers?

Blessings,

Stephen

I just sat there with a  blank look on my face. “What are you doing?”  my friend asked. “I am doing nothing” I replied. I like doing nothing  at times…especially when there is something big at stake. The strategy of doing nothing is a rarity these days. It’s a moment of stillness, silence and surrender. For me, it means I don’t know what to do. I have learned it is ok to not know what to do. When I do nothing I am doing everything. If I do nothing for long enough and get really quiet I can experience a whole world of things going on. I am creating something by doing nothing.  

I realize that the opening to this piece may seem blasphemous to the action oriented leadership crowd. Why? Because most motivational teachers on the planet are going to tell you to get off your butt and take massive action toward your goals. Right? Can you imagine Toni Robbins saying: “Today I want you to sit on your fanny and do nothing” I know that in my past narratives I too have explored the value of massive action steps. But what if you aren’t clear what your objective is? Then what direction do you take action? I say you don’t. I invite you to wait, to sit still and to do nada. I mean it. Block off some time and do zilch.  Just sit on your duff and ruminate. Just think about your life and the direction you want to take. Go to the beach and sit on a chair and stare at the ocean. Do nothing. Breathe more deeply and do absolutely positively zero. 

The world is moving at warp speed and so are you. Sometimes just sitting can bring clarity to your situation and offer insight to the next course of action. Great leaders understand the difference between being a lazy ass versus doing nothing. Some people are so frozen by indecision that doing nothing would only add to the suffering of inaction. My message today will not help those people. I’m addressing  those of you that talk too fast. You know who you are; as you run through yet another stop sign scurrying to your next appointment. How do you know if you are the type of person that nothing would serve? You’re a Pita type, fiery and bold and you have an answer to everything. In fact, you think you are right most of the time. You probably don’t think too much before you jump off the bridge into the river. You just jump. I am talking to YOU. Slowing down and doing nothing would be good for you. Hell, it would transform your world! For once you could hear the quiet voice inside of yourself to get clear on what is next for you. You might even get to know yourself better. Great leaders know themselves and they know when to do something and when to do nothing. 

I have an office loft outside of my home. It does not make good financial sense to keep it. It’s a bit of a luxury…or is it? Sometimes when I am in the loft, I do nothing. Sometimes I even create stories about what I do when I am at the loft. Why? Because I think I need a story about being highly productive. The truth is, great things have resulted from my doing nothing in my loft. For me, doing nothing serves me when I am getting clear on SOME THING. I wrote this piece after a morning of doing NOTHING. The deeper point here is that if you are a purpose driven person, doing nothing can serve you. 

How does this relate to others? I walked into the office loft the other day and my project manager Tom was sitting on the couch with the baseball game on.  It was in the middle of a business day. My old Self began to rise up. I thought to myself “What the hell are you doing sitting on the couch doing nothing?”  Then I caught myself. He was doing his version of doing nothing. I remember him telling me once that watching baseball is like meditation for him What I also reminded myself is that  Tom is generally up at 6:00 am doing something to drive our business forward. He has a right not do anything too. If you are working with people based in agreement, they can manage their own ways of getting the results. Sometimes they will do that by doing nothing. If Tom was a non-productive person (he is very productive) then the doing nothing thing would not work for me.  

How does this apply to you? Where can you move forward by being still?  How would doing NO-THING serve you in accomplishing GREAT-THINGS? In my study of spiritual leaders over the years, almost all of them had a practice of retreat. They did nothing to get clear on what to do next. The beautiful thing about being a student of leadership is that you too can apply the teachings that have stood the test of time to bring forth your greatest expression.

Today, I challenge you to do nothing.

It was 32 degrees in the middle of July in the Colorado Rockies. My fingers were so cold that I couldn’t get them to work my jacket zipper properly. My younger brother Douglas could see me struggling. I wanted to be adept at all things that morning as we were preparing to launch into a 78 mile bike ride over three mountain passes. He reached down, in the sweetest possible way, and zippered up my outer jacket. I felt like a little boy on my way to school. Younger brother takes good care of older brother. In that moment, I realized something of great importance. My brother Doug is my hero. The truth is he has always been my hero. It’s a lifetime of simple gestures adding up to one huge realization. The man is my hero.

How does anyone maintain a hero status? They do it one small thought-filled gesture at a time. They are consistent. They do things without expectation. They serve. They do it because they can. They care deep down about other humans and they do it without need for gratitude or acknowledgement. They have their own life handled, so they are freed up to make a difference in the lives of others. They are not necessarily saintly…yet truly they are saints.

Who is the hero in your life? Have you told them lately? In leadership, when we think of heroes, we generally think of war heroes that saved the platoon with a valiant toss of a grenade or a sports hero that wins the game with only seconds left. Perhaps those people are heroes and well deserving of such an accolade. Today, I want to explore the possibility that there are people that sustain hero-ship by years of consistent positive action that would make a moment of glory pale in compare.

Some of us are stingy with acknowledging others in our lives. Why? Are we afraid there is a limit to generous acknowledgment? There are two perspectives to this piece today. One is to consider who in your life and business continues to show up with positive actions day in and day out, year in and year out, and acknowledge them as a hero in your life.

The second is to consider where you, as a Life Leader, have the ability and the willingness to consistently being there for others. To me, that makes you a hero in another person’s life.

Years ago I maintained a speaking calendar of around 75-100 Keynote speeches per year. As I spoke to many different venues, I could see that the day of the guru leaders was gone. The charisma based attribute of leadership can only take us so far. I began seeing that ordinary, consistent actions were really what made transformation occur. The new leaders were men and women taking loving action toward result each and every day. Their commitment and vision never wavered. They were being everyday heroes.

Maybe you will never be the CEO that saves your company from economic crisis…perhaps you are the father that teaches your boy to keep his eye on the ball on the field and off the field. That will make a big difference in a young mans life! Maybe you will not be the surgeon that saves lives on the table… perhaps you are the administrative assistant that frees up the mundane for a visionary doctor to seek the cure for cancer. Make no mistake about it. Everyday leaders make a huge difference in the world.

Today, I invite you to send this piece to the hero in your life. Just say thanks. Thank you for making my life better. Thanks for zippering up my jacket and the million other things you have done to make my life easier and better. Thanks for being my brother, my friend, my boss, my admin, my husband, or my wife. Thanks for being the hero in my life!

I love you Brother.

Stephen

One of my favorite songs is on the radio. My voice rings out with creativity and resonance, all the time thinking I sound better than I actually do. I don’t care. Do you know why? It’s because my creative mind is engaged. Life is good and the sun is shining. As I arrive home I’m feeling peace and calm for the evening ahead. Getting home is always a good thing. Pulling into my driveway the garage door opens on command. As the door ascends, I see something looming in front of me; like it has for so many months before. There it sits again, staring at me; laughing at me. It gloats at my inadequacy. My mind rapidly moves to incompetence and subtle judgment. I have noticed it a hundred times before and yet I did nothing. I’m no longer singing. What is it that holds such power over me?

What I see is a lawnmower with a broken wheel. It’s been in the same place, gathering dust and smelling of better days for months. I remember the day I first noticed the broken wheel. I said to myself; “I need to fix that wheel” immediately followed by “I will fix it later.” That was over six months ago and now my nemesis has silenced my song. How can a lawnmower do all of that? It’s not the lawnmower that is doing it. I am doing it. I am creating an incomplete in my life and incompletes rob me of my most creative energy.

How many incompletes do you have in your life and business? These are things that you know you need to handle. They are the things that we allow to build up in our life and likely the very same reason that most of us file our taxes on April 14th. Why? Because we resist coming to completion in our life! Most of us are on the masters path to resistance – and we have fine tuned the subtle nature of procrastination. There is only one problem. Putting things off for another day will often steal away our joy and creativity. Why? Because our better Self’s keep track of our internal promises. I guarantee you – they are all recorded. Our hearts and minds are so brilliant that we don’t miss a beat. We track everything, like a finely tuned computer program, on an unconscious level. I know I have not fixed that lawnmower wheel. Every time I see it becomes a subtle or even subconscious reminder of my own broken promise.

Here’s the problem. We convince ourselves that some day we will feel like it. The problem is, I most likely will never wake up and say, “Today, I feel like fixing the wheel on that old lawnmower.” It simply doesn’t happen that way. Yet we continue to tell ourselves, “I will do it later, when I feel like it.” For most reading this piece, our lives are full of things that we’ve never completed. We have a slew of promises dangling out there in our consciousness to take care of later. These promises build and build, and over time our feelings of inadequacy ensure that we will postpone the inevitable.

Leaders complete things. Have you ever heard the saying: “If you want something important done, go ask a busy person?” Why is that? Because leaders do what they “say” they are going to do. We won’t allow things to dangle. Why let something dangle that we know we must inevitably handle? That lawnmower will not fix itself. In my example, I could decide I don’t give a shit about the broken wheel, or I will hire the neighbor kid, or I will buy a new lawnmower. All of those are options. I am not suggesting your course of action is to always fix the broken wheels in your life, unless you want to. Did you hear that? Unless you want to! Once I decide what I want, I go into completion mode. It will never be the perfect moment except for right now. How long does it really take to fix our wheels? In most cases it does not take that long. I guarantee you that I spent many more mindless moments fixing that darn wheel in my head than it actually took to fix it (which ended up only taking 10 minutes!).

Can you relate? What incompletes are you avoiding? The cool thing is that once you get in the habit of completing, it builds tremendous energy and freedom. It gets us in touch with what we really need to do and it builds huge momentum. Every now and then, I have what I call a “COMPLETION DAY.” These days are so much fun because it builds energy and I just check things off my list. Many of the things that we avoid doing don’t really take that much time. The brain energy they steal away far exceeds the effort required to complete it.

You start by asking yourself: How could I be more effective at completing things? Mull this around and let it seep in. You have the answers inside yourself. It’s not like resistance and stupid live in the same land. Resistance to completion is a form of being numb. So get present with the chaos incompleteness causes in your business and life. Then, use that feeling to motivate what you will do to complete things. Do not allow others to distract you. Practice your power of focus. Do the one thing that you have been putting off today. Do it now. Don’t wait and be sure you see it through to the end. Fix the broken wheels – one at a time. It makes sense and some of the most powerful people I know are completers. They just do it now (heard that before?) You don’t need to think ahead to the whole list, as that is just another form of self torture. Just do the one thing – now. Got it! Great, let me know how you like the momentum and positive flow of completion.

Blessings abound.

Stephen

The coffee was just right – hot and bitter. As I took a final sip, it warmed my belly as the caffeine gradually flowed to my sleepy head. It’s early, the birds are chirping and I can’t wait to hop in the saddle of my Italian made racing bike. I’m ready to ride.

As I get on my bike I feel the cool air moving through my throat and lungs. The first thing I notice is how tired and sore my butt is from the last few rides. My legs feel fine, however my shoulders are tight. After carefully easing into the ride I start to pedal a little bit more smoothly as I feel the blood pumping into my quads. It feels good and my ass is so sore. The sun is shining and my buttocks hurt. The weather is ideal and my back side aches.

Have you ever noticed that in life and leadership we tend to focus on the one thing that bugs us? Our tendency is to focus on the pain in the ass. It’s just part of being human. I’ve been teaching leadership and coaching people for over 14 years. I can tell you I have heard some of the greatest victim stories on the planet. Mostly what I’ve observed is that each of us has some level of focus on what we don’t like about our business and our lives. Believe me, I understand; as just this morning my fiancé’ looked at me and semi-sweetly said. “Stop your whining.” She was right, I was whining. The point is – I’m learning and growing just like you.

So what do I do when the primary focus on life is on the challenges? The first thing I do is to realize that I can enjoy the ride in the midst of imperfection. Let’s get real. Nothing is perfect, right? There is no perfect baseball game, right? How about a business deal? Does every business deal go exactly as you think it ought to go? How about marriage, children, or the economy? Everything has its back side (pardon the pun). Leadership involves looking at the whole thing and then determining whether the glaring problems supersede the entire picture.

 In leadership, we talk a lot about choice. Choice is very important. However, my message today is not about choice. My message is about reality. The reality is that there are comforts and discomforts to everything that I choose to do in my life. A strong Life and Business Leader will work to get comfortable with their discomforts. Nobody is really exempt from this polarity. My Miracle Leader emerges when I choose to enjoy my early morning ride in the midst of sore “gluts.” That hardship is only a very small part of the picture. So, for what reason do so many of us have it ruin our ride?

Once I can appreciate the reality of the whole picture, I can begin to shift gears. Like shifting the gears on my bike to optimize my racing performance, I can shift the thoughts in my mind to optimize my life performance. If I begin to literally look for truth and reality then the view becomes clear. I must be willing to remove the drama and appreciate the entire picture. I realize that some readers may be thinking; Stephen just does not understand the seriousness of the situation that I am in. You may be right and I have heard some pretty serious scenarios from people in the last few years. And every single one contained an opportunity in it for leadership.

Personal leadership means that I must keep moving. I am not talking about some mindless forward motion. I am talking about a smooth steady pace forward that propels you in the direction of your vision. While I am fairly new to cycling, I have learned one thing. When I look back the ride is not as fun and the chances of crashing are increased exponentially. I want to keep my focus on the road ahead of me. That way, when I see a steep grade, I can shift gears and stand up in the saddle to prepare for the climb. If I attempt to climb the steep hill without shifting my mind I will painfully grind my way to the top or come to a complete stand still. While, I don’t want to underestimate the seriousness of your pain, I don’t want you to give it more of a voice than it deserves. By the way, if I am only focused on my pain how can I have compassion for those in my business or my family? What problem do you have in your life that you would like to solve?

 It IS possible. If Victor Frankl (author of Mans Search for Meaning) can find solace in the horror of Auschwitz, then you can find peace in finding your new job. He focused his vision on what he had, rather than what he did not have. That tactic is simple wisdom and all of us have the propensity to align with such logic. I have found that this does not steal you away from reality, it brings you closer to reality. I like reality because it provides the energy and momentum to deal with the challenge. This is not some Pollyanna approach to a predicament; it is permission to navigate the windy road ahead.

So to create some momentum on a tough problem, I invite you to consider. What part of the picture am I not looking at? How can I move my focus from only my painful situation to the whole of the matter? You can do this. I know you can, because I can. It takes practice and willingness. If you find you are invested in being stuck – get real and see the possibility in letting peace prevail. You are a gem to behold and the only person that offers freedom to your situation is you.

Enjoy the ride.

I am the type of person that rarely quits things. This is not to say that I have never quit before. I think most people have quit something in their lives at some point. As I have grown older, I admit that there are times when quitting can be a good thing. In fact, there may be something in your life that you should quit doing right now. I’m not talking about obvious things like smoking or drinking. I’m talking about situations where you have banged your head so hard against the competitive wall that you have bruised your Spirit. How smart is that? How wise is that? Is it possible that we can actually try too hard sometimes? I know this may be a little bit too uncomfortable for you to read right now. I understand, because I am a bit uncomfortable writing it. Can you believe it? Intense leadership coach suggests that quitting can be good. Let’s explore this idea a bit further.

One of the people I admire a great deal in history is Winston Churchill. I think he was a wise man and obviously had the deep respect of his own country and showed the maturity of a statesman at times of crisis. He also once said “never, never, never, never give up” to which I say – that is ludicrous. While I realize I am taking Churchill’s quote out of context, I want you to consider the times in history where the very best course of action would have been to quit. Sometimes in history we didn’t even know what we were fighting for and we kept fighting. The concept of “never giving up” is blind thinking and will lead to pretentious leadership. A great leader must be willing to evaluate a situation and consider alternatives choices and actions, which may at times include giving up – reevaluating and starting fresh. I think this is especially true in our modern age of leadership. Things are not as predictable today as they were 25 years ago. Oftentimes an existing business direction can change in a matter of moments in our global economy. Leadership this day and age requires flexible neutrality and the Self Esteem to say “I quit.”

How does this apply in your life? When have you held on so tight to a life or business decision that the only reason you continued was the fear of retaliation or because you feared others would accuse you of being a quitter. Obviously there are many times in life that staying the course reaps tremendous rewards. I think that is true – provided you are on the right course. But what if you are on a golf course and you hate golf? If it were me, I would stop trying to make a hole in one and get out my fly rod. Many of us are playing life games that we aren’t enjoying at all. We do it because we are influenced by our parents, our bosses, or by our own guilt trip. Being negatively influenced by others and by guilt will almost never work. It’s very painful; not to mention that your precious life is too short.

Sometimes getting distance from a precarious situation can offer a great gift. Sometimes we are afraid to look at the reality of a situation because the reality is more painful than the illusion. Don’t do this to yourself, as eventually integrity can become soft as corn mush. I am not recommending that you are lazy and that you quit something simply because it is hard. I am talking about loving yourself and those around you enough to be honest about the situations you find yourself in. I have seen many people stay in a jobs they hated for years because they were afraid to quit. What are these people avoiding?!

Once you have assessed quitting something, you can always go for integral alignment. That means you don’t have to lie about why you are quitting and you can do your best to negotiate quitting terms that serve all parties. Quitting does not make you a loser. It’s like a champion athlete that quits the race because he broke his ankle. He is still a champion and his leg needs to heal before he starts the next race. I have felt inspired by watching other courageous people wisely make a choice to quit. One of my friends quit his marketing job to become a yoga teacher. He loves it. He is a leader in the yoga community. He was not a leader as a marketing director. He was a slave to the choice he made many years before. Let this message illumine us as Life and Business Leaders – to see that our accountability to being completely honest about our life situations is freedom. The freedom bell rings for all of us when one of us quits something unhealthy to begin something wonderful.

As a leader the most important person you will ever answer to is yourself. Answering to you will require rigor at times. It will require disengagement of those unhealthy situations to embrace life more fully. There is one situation I recommend never quitting. That is to quit on YOU! Keep on stepping and learning. Be willing to use everything to continue growing. In a real way quitting can be a beginning. It can be a beginning filled with enthusiasm and excitement. Listen carefully as you choose. Take care to act with love to those around you. I can promise you – your life will be enhanced and so will the lives of those around you.

Let freedom ring.