Filed under: Personal Transformation
How do you begin again? Why would you want to? Sometimes our failed attempts at success stop us dead in our tracks. Have you ever really botched something up? I mean so badly that your heart feels like a lead balloon? It happens to the best of us. It can happen to you, me, your neighbor, and your minister… even to our amazing parents who, as children, we believed were infallible.
First, let’s start with a dose of reality. If you are living life on this planet, guess what? You make mistakes! Sorry to burst your bubble. Nobody is exempt. It’s a part of life like breathing and your heart beating. It will happen to everybody reading this piece. You will blow something. Some of us will make more mistakes than others, and of course there is the seriousness of the issue to be considered. Some of us have made multi- million dollar mistakes. Others have made egregious relationship mistakes. And to really drive home the point, some of us have made “go to prison” kinds of mistakes.
“Freedom is not worth having unless it allows you the freedom to make mistakes”
~Mahatma Gandhi
No matter the nature and the gravity of what you have done in your life…this article is written to set you free. If you are anything like me, you are probably harder on your self for your transgressions than anybody else. Is that true for you too? I find it interesting how some people are still suffering for what they did years ago. What sense does this make? People who are hard on themselves are usually very hard on the people around them. How could they not be? If you are beating yourself up, you will likely project that same dysfunction outwardly to your team, family, wife, husband, or anyone that you relate with.
I realize this is counter intuitive. This means the people hardest on themselves are usually the last ones to know. It’s like the Del Amitri song “Always the last to know”…because everyone knows you beat yourself up but you. What value is there in judging yourself? Allow me to be really clear. There is zero value in it. It’s way overrated and most people are pretty good at it. In fact, why do you suppose most of us hang on forever to our past mess ups? We think we have to? We feel it is our debt to society? We think we are sexier that way? Yes, that must be it. We are sexy screw ups!
No, that’s not it at all. We simply don’t know a different way. We weren’t taught how to start fresh. We hang on, hoping and waiting, for that morning when we will wake up with a clean slate. Well guess what? The clean slate is always there underneath the self absorbed loathing that we desperately cling to. Can you relate to that? Your family, friends, and colleagues likely want you off the hook. You are not going to be very pleasant to be around if you are feeling bad about your mistakes. It’s actually self absorbed to be miserable for too long. Leaders transform victims to owners. We do it by having the courage to hold out for the greatness in our friends. We do it because we can. We do it because we know that everyone makes mistakes. We hold for the best parts in the human dynamic. We ask ourselves and the people around us to learn from mistakes rather than let them grow.
Want to make it even more interesting? Here goes…the bigger the game you play on this planet the bigger the mistakes you will make. If you are mistake free…I would invite you to look at what mistake avoidance living has created for you? My guess is that it has created safe. Safe is overrated. Safe is only good when you slide into home plate after rounding third. Safety is for OSHA.
So how does one move forward after a mistake? Take a step toward something new. Yes, just take that first step. You don’t have to see the entire pre-paved plan to take one simple step. That is all any of us can do…keep on stepping. This is where life happens. Living happens by singing, breathing, and stepping. Life is leadership in action. Each of us must stay in motion. Imagine a humming bird sitting on a park bench pining over a past mistake. The humming bird can’t live unless it’s moving and feeding.
Don’t try to make mistakes go away…because they won’t. Own them. Accept your mistakes. Then take a step. Perhaps one day you will start a new business. Maybe you will go on another date. Maybe you will be the next great entrepreneur. Maybe you’ll…get the point? It won’t happen on the couch or from hanging on to a past mistake. Nothing happens in the past. How could it? The past is over and that is why stepping is so much fun.
So today, I ask you? What mistake have you held onto? Can you let it go? What would be the very next step in moving forward? Will you take it?
“My life does not belong to others and I am not here to live up to someone else’s expectations.”
~Nathaniel Brandon
Have you ever known someone who thinks they are powerful by being forceful?
The world we live in celebrates force. We have come to confuse forcefulness with power. We say things like “we are the most powerful nation on the planet.” We are a powerful country and we have also been known to use force to get our way in the world. The distinction should not be confused. It should be understood. Without a basic understanding of the two, we will show up being a country of reactors instead of a country of creators. As a country and a people that have clout in the world, I felt it was valuable to pursue a cursory discussion on leadership and power.
Each of us is a leader… if we choose to see the ability we have to create a positive influence in the world. The alternative is to bury our heads in the sands of time and “hope” that our community or greater world changes. Have you ever tried to “hope” that your bank account has money in it? Hope is for the hopeless. Action and creation are for those of us that want to live into a greater reality of being. Force is not what we need. We need powerful influencers. The world is crying out for people who masterfully create conversations that generate new ideas which inspire action.
Forceful people are afraid. They are stressed out grownups terrified of being found out. They are forceful because somewhere along the line, it worked to intimidate people or situations. It is a learned behavior.
I remember when I was in the fifth grade and Eric Weaver bullied me. I had inadvertently scratched him in a game of pickup basketball. He decided that was reason enough to beat the tar out of me after school. He was bigger and stronger than me. He boxed my ears and nose until I bled. While he hit me, I could see that he had fear in his eyes. I was equally terrified of him, so much so that I stood there and took the beating without hitting him back. On the way to the dean’s office he whispered in my ears (they were swollen) that he wanted to be friends. I was afraid he would beat me again; so I said yes and lied to the dean to protect my bully friend.
Do you know any forceful bullies? In business they tend to manage with fear. They manipulate and cajole. Forceful people raise their voices and intimidate others. They are scared!
Have you ever see the wonderful movie “The Power of One?” The head prison guard is forceful. He beats prisoners with a night stick and makes one Afrikaner prisoner eat manure off of his shoe. He does this to show how tough he is. In the story there is a young boy named Peekay. He was orphaned at a young age and he understood the essence of power. Peekay becomes the “rainmaker” in the movie and over time generates a movement of freedom through the pure power of his leadership. It’s not that powerful people are wimps, it’s that powerful people realize that the lower consciousness of “force” will not prevail.
Force will wither away. Power will sustain. Was Hitler powerful or forceful? His initiative did not sustain itself. Was Dr. King forceful or powerful? Has greater freedom of blacks sustained itself? You decide.
I have watched many powerful and forceful people interact in business. The forceful people speak in a board meeting and the energy drops. People get constricted and look down on their notepads. When powerful people talk… people listen. People are inspired by the mere presence of true power. This kind of power stems from authenticity and true purpose. A powerful person’s blood is pumping transformation. His words generate a shift in how people see things. Imagine that? As a powerful leader you have the ability to shift thinking in others by your presence and your words.
The attributes of power are far reaching. It’s situational. The powerful leader will ascertain what is necessary in a moment. That could include a fierce conversation with a forceful bully. Powerful leaders see the options. Forceful people are protecting their interests. The powerful person will realize that there is a process. The forceful person does not see the higher good of process.
Most of us embody attributes of both force and power. If you feel yourself being forceful in a situation, I invite you to pause and ask yourself a question: What am I afraid of? Am I afraid that I might get taken advantage of? Am I afraid she is going to leave me? Am I afraid I am not appreciated or honored? Then, slow yourself down to the speed of life and ask this question: What would love do now? Love would listen and seek to understand the situation. Love would not jump to conclusions. Love would assert itself to protect its young. The demeanor you carry with you will be very distinct and different.
Just so you know – power does have a punch to it. Three weeks after Eric punched my lights out…he came at me again because Mary Jane Gilmore wanted to be my girlfriend and not his. He “chose” me to meet him after school by the tunnels. There was a big group gathered. He said that if I did not give up Mary Jane he would beat me up again. I told Eric that Mary Jane thought he was a jerk. He took a wild swing out of his rage. As I ducked his telegraphed punch, something came over me and I stepped forward with a tight fisted right hand that knocked Eric to the sand pit. That was all that was needed and Eric never bothered me again. I can remember walking home feeling sorry for Weaver.
In what area of your life or business could you step into your power?
Filed under: Uncategorized
The world is not the same. Let me explain why? This past weekend I brought together a group of recognized leadership coaches and consultants for a 6 month prosperity program. The results were amazing. These leaders gathered together for two days to explore the deepest essence of service and transformation. How cool is that? Every single participant is gifted in their profession. Craig Zablocki one of the greatest speakers on humor in the whole world was in attendance (www.positivelyhumor.com). Master Chris Natzke (www.familymartialarts.net) at the top 1% of his field teaching martial arts excellence to business people was present as well. In fact, each and every person held an amazing vision of possibility.
As I facilitated this session, I was often struck by the humility in the room. Try not to confuse humility with powerlessness. These are powerful people. Yet, they listened and were generous of spirit with each other. When a group like this comes together, what emerges is a team. When a team gets aligned, what manifest are powerful results. That’s why I love my work. I can tell a group from a team in an instant. It’s easy to see when people have a personal agenda or a higher purpose. The “higher good” team gets a lot more done faster.
A few months ago, I was working with a team of highly skilled professionals that spent a majority of their time in meetings trying to be “right.” It’s exhausting. Round and round the conversation goes. Nobody wins and very little gets accomplished. They play emotional mind games with each other under the guise of caring. The most amazing thing about a group (notice I did not say team) like this is they feel they have no problems. Never mind that other departments cringe when their names come up. They don’t think they have a problem because each of them “is” the problem. It’s as if there is an addiction to the drama of problems.
Now here’s the thing. Most people reading this are working with some kind of a team. It matters not the size of the team or the function of the team. What matters is the synergy and impact of the team. How does a team become great? A team must make a shift from hubris to humility. Each individual, moving to a place of serving the team, can assist in this shift occurring. It usually does not happen overnight. It may not happen at all unless somebody is willing to become humble for the team. How would that work? Something magical occurs when a person gets vulnerable in a team. It happens on sports teams, business teams, board teams, church teams and even families. Someone needs to stop the craziness and bring openness to the conversation.
Often, that is why I get hired by groups or organizations that are stuck. To get “unstuck” requires honesty and openness. I simply ask questions and create a way for people to say what needs to be said.
This is where your leadership matters. Some people feel that they can’t make a difference on a team. That’s the victim speaking. The leader in YOU sees this as an opportunity to create something powerful. You may have to be consistent, creative and even loving…but you can make changes…they do happen.
The point is… humility rocks! It can at times be your most powerful attribute. I think of the people in my business and life that exhibit this attribute as courageous lovers of life. Ironically, humility requires greater Self Esteem than Egoist Pride.
I encourage you today to consider how you can live more fully in your humility. You will notice that most people are attracted to the authenticity of it. I am not saying you need to cry or be emotional. I am saying just be truthful and transparent about life. It’s refreshing and it lets people know you’re not made of plastic. I find it very freeing.
Be well
Filed under: Personal Transformation
I assisted a client in releasing over 300 pounds a few years ago. At 500 pounds he told me he wanted to die. We soon discovered what he really meant is he wanted the habit to die. It was eating him to death everyday in a slow and painful way. He is alive today. The last time we spoke he weighed less than 200 pounds. This is a miracle for a man that was planning how fast he would need to drive his BMW into a brick wall to ensure his certain death.
Changing a bad habit is a bit like slaying a seven headed dragon. I imagine it would be a challenging opponent. Once you lop off one head, another head would grow back with vigilance. You can’t change habits. Trying to change a bad habit won’t work for you. How can I be so certain? I am a pretty disciplined guy and I have not once changed any of my bad habits. I have made choices in my life to replace one habit with a different habit. That strategy can work for you too. You don’t need to spend energy trying to change your habits. In fact, I endeavor to “own” my negative habits so I can get about the business of replacing them with powerful solutions. Some people play victim to their habits as if they don’t exist. That’s not serving you or anybody else.
There are some psychologists that will spend years with you, attempting to get at the core of your addictive tendency. That is helpful to a degree. Ultimately there is a need to replace a destructive mindset with a more positive one. What one attribute will support you in making this shift? The word that carries the most powerful vibration for this adjustment is “vigilance”. You must be vigilant to become free with new habits.
My experience in Life Leadership is that all of us have a seven headed dragon inside of us. The dragon is powerful and full of wily ways to get us to slip. Let’s assume for a moment that the dragon is forcing us into some bad habit. That makes the beast pretty powerful. Right? Right! So, if that’s true let’s give the power of the seven headed beast a new job.
Let’s replace the negative habit with a habit that supports us in what we want. My over weight friend took the energy of eating and wanting to die and replaced it with hiking and desiring life. His first hike was not very far. Then over time his hikes became longer and his food intake was replaced with healthier more vibrant foods. He replaced negative thinking with more positive thoughts. He has never changed the bad habit of wanting to eat donuts. He replaced the habit with eating healthier foods. The day he feels his “bad” habit has gone away, is the day the fire breathing dragon will cook up some more donuts.
Most people are working their butts off trying to change the habit. The dragon is going to win every time. Consider an alcoholic that has 20 years of sobriety. Has the dragon really gone away? No, because any addict that picks up a drink after 20 years can pretty much tell you what happened. The drinking habit was just patiently waiting. I remember a time in my past that I was soft on issues like this. I remember believing that my dragon had gone away on eating sugar. No such luck. It doesn’t mean I will never eat sugar either. It means I want to use the power of the dragon and teach it to replace sugar with protein. It works better for me this way.
Let’s look a little deeper. What’s your initial reaction to someone trying to change you? Most people report they get resistant to other people trying to change them. I know I do. Habits are no different. They don’t want to change. Trying to change habits essentially creates judgments that never work long term. Habits need to be replaced.
My question for you today is; what unhealthy habit would you like to replace with a healthy habit? What would it be for you? In my view, there is no need to ponder this choice. There may be no need to go get therapy. Perhaps getting support to hold you accountable to your new habit would be productive. Life and business leaders do that. They are accountable to good habits in themselves and in others. Good leaders understand that being vigilant with their own process is a first step. Some leaders skip that step. My counsel is to identify a habit that you want to replace. Once you have done that, consider what you will replace it with.
The process of replacement involves patience and vigilance. If you slip – it’s OK! Catch it faster next time and get creative in how you will replace it. There have been things in my life that I had a blast replacing, because it was so much fun creating innovative new things to do. It worked for my formerly heavy friend Michael. While he would be the first to say he has to keep a close eye on his dragon, he can also tell you about his trips hiking and white water rafting in Chile. He simply got busy replacing. It can work for you too.
Love Stephen
Recently, I was in a meeting with Steve Chandler, a well known author and leadership coach. He said “the faster a person gets in touch with reality, the faster he will succeed” – (www.imindshift.com). These words were energized with Spirit. It was a statement that clearly sang out with truth and wisdom.
How real am I…really? I think there have been plenty of times in my life where I have lived on the road of illusion. It seemed easier to avoid issues and tough choices. I have clearly learned…. pretending never works! In fact, pretending has never served me nor has it served the people I love and care for. Since my meeting, I have been wondering: What is the price of pretension in my life? While I am not sure I want to focus on that question for too long, it did bring me to a place of reality.
Let me give you a personal example from my life. I worked at a bank for almost ten years. Did I learn allot? Sure, in the first few years. However, it didn’t take long for my lesson to shift to learning how to participate in a job that did not fit my greatest expression. Essentially, I lied to myself for years. I told myself internal stories about why I “should” stay. The reality is that I was just afraid to leave. I was afraid to leave my company car and expense account. I made great money. I was seduced by the illusion of security. The problem is that my Soul did not align with the job. That was 12 years ago.
My friend John Morton has taught me that trading pretension for spiritual alignment is a recipe for suffering – (http://www.theblessings.org/).
Now, let’s talk about you. I don’t think you are reading this to learn about me? What areas in your life are you avoiding? What areas are you in touch with reality? What would you need to do to bridge the gap?
The first step is to get over the idea that avoiding is better than coping. Coping works. Dealing with life issues…head on…creates courage and solutions. Looking deeply inside and becoming intimate with reality can innovate success more readily. Most of the time the people I coach, are grateful to bring issues up and work through them. They tell me, it sets them free.
One of my coaching clients has been holding onto a job he has essentially disliked for years .Sure it provided income. He was comfortable. And each night he went home feeling empty inside. Is this how you want to live life? I can tell you, I have done this many times in life. It is not fun. Once he made the decision to move his energy into a career he loves his life has transformed. He has dropped over 20 pounds in two months. His relationship with his wife is more intimate and loving. He looks different. He walks different. He is inspiring other people in his life as an example of leadership. Getting real one major area has transformed every arena of his life.
Let’s put it this way. Life Leadership involves being hip with the reality of life and business. What does that really mean? It means love the truth in your life. If you are finding yourself less than inspired, then look into the mirror and see where you could get present with the truth about yourself or your situation. This is different from judging it. I don’t recommend lashings. I am talking about getting real and falling deeply in love with reality. It won’t go away. Transmute the issue by owning the reality of it. Pretending there isn’t a problem will only delay solutions from being revealed.
Once again, I invite you into the miracle of reality. My former coach and mentor Steve Hardison (www.theultimatecoach.net) says “why would you ever do anything in your life that you don’t love doing?” At the time that concept struck me as incredibly insightful. Why would I do that to myself? I thought I was being responsible by being tough. Then, I began to wonder; responsible to whom? To those around me that just want me to be happy? I no longer see it that way. It was my silly idea not my families.
Someone on a recent flight to DC asked me about my job? I said I don’t have a job. I have not had a job for 12 years and yet I do something that enlivens me every day of every week. It’s lucrative and enjoyable. Some of us feel those two elements are mutually exclusive. That’s not true. The story some people have is that work should be hard. You show me someone that is in touch with reality and I will show you a person that succeeds. I will show you inspiration in action. There will be poetry in that person’s motion, because there is no gap in reality. It is clean and crisp.
So what to do? Find one thing you have been avoiding. Write it down and commit to deal with it this week. It could be money, relationship, health, addiction, and conflict at work or whatever. Don’t wait until you feel like dealing with it. That’s why it’s still sitting there. Get real and muster the courage to set yourself free. You may be surprised how quickly things begin to shift. The problem may not disappear overnight…but I assure you the energy will shift and solutions will rapidly start to appear.
Let reality be your path to success.
P.S. For a dose of freedom click here
When the teacher called out my name, I just sat there stunned. I could not believe what I was hearing. I was the winner of a national writing contest. Writing in those days was easy and natural. I was completely detached from winning anything because I don’t remember the teacher ever saying anything about a contest. I just did what I was asked to do, which was to write an essay that had to do with the future of the world. I was in the third grade. The assignment was purely fun and creative.
It was a powerful accomplishment for me… up to a point. That point was when the principle of my school called me into his office to see if I had cheated on the contest. I was dumbfounded. Can you imagine an eight year old boy being called out? I was shocked! Perhaps he had a good reason to accuse me? When I asked him why he thought I was a “liar”, he replied that the words I used in my story were beyond the 3rd grade. Words like “decade”, as one example.
As I walked out of the office carrying my Big Chief Notepad, I remember feeling sick inside. I felt tainted. At that moment writing translated into pain. What’s a boy to do?
I can tell you what I did. I did nothing. I did as little writing as possible until I got into my forties.
What is your writing contest? Where did you get a message to shut down an expression of Self ? I guarantee you it has happened to all of us at some point in time. This is not a question of blame and playing victim. Life happens and even eight year old boys are learning. The real lesson is one of awareness. How do you use those situations for your advancement? It’s not even important to understand why I chose not to write for all of those years. It matters not. In my coaching work, I often say to people “understanding is the booby prize” What matters is what I do now. Now is all any of us has. Leaders get that. Leadership is presence in action. Life Leaders don’t wait, delay, or make others wrong for their lot in life.
Life and business Leaders create. We do it from our core. That core comes from our experiences. We create because we can and not because we have to. “What should I create?” you might ask. How about whatever is in front of you? Right now, as if there was no tomorrow. Perhaps there is NO tomorrow?
The way I see it today is that the Principle of my school gave me a great gift. He tested my resolve for writing. It’s perfect that I did not write for many years, because his comments now inspire me when write. When I sit down to write; I think of him. I consider that all of us can thank someone for a lesson in life. Those people are often our best teachers. They test us, challenge us, temper us and help us to grow. We grow into adult men and women that can take those experiences and use them to lead others. This is the cycle that molds us into Miracle Leaders.
Who are your greatest teachers?
What did you learn?
What will you do with that learning?
Filed under: Best of The Get Real Blog, Empowerment | Tags: inspiration, motivation, personal growth
The gun went off. The excitement in the air was palpable. I looked around as each person took the first few steps of the 17 mile journey. Everyone was fleet of feet at that point. I felt great too. The Imogene Pass running race is 17 miles of beautiful and grueling terrain from Ouray Colorado to Telluride. The 10 mile ascent summits out at over 13,000 feet as each runner prepares for the 7 mile descent over loose rock and winding jeep road. This is not a race for the faint of heart. Of course, nobody said it would be easy. I think that’s why so many of us do the race year after year.
For me, life is like the race. It’s not always easy. Why would I want it to be? The hard times make me appreciate the times when things are really smooth. The challenges make me stronger and appreciate being alive.
Running Imogene is like lots of projects or experiences in my life. It starts off easy. I am excited and so is everybody else. Then the reality sets in. Running Imogene pass over the years has helped me to experience a host of emotions. Sometimes I wonder… why I would ever take on such a ridiculous adventure?
Can you relate? How many of us have started a new relationship, business venture, or community project thinking it would be easy? As an example, think about the first few months of any relationship. It is so easy. You are in love and everything is wonderful. It’s like Christmas or Hanukah every single day. Business projects are the same. We think about the results…the money…the fortune. Then one day the challenges occur. One day the race gets hard. What do leaders do when it gets tough? What do you do when it gets tough? Do you quit? Do you keep advancing?
One year when I was running up Imogene pass, I thought I was going to vomit I was so sick from fatigue. The altitude, steep incline, my lack of sleep, etc. My body hurt so badly and my feet were bleeding from the blisters forming in my wet socks. I wanted to quit. Who would know? I could slide into the forest and everyone would think I was just going to visit “mother nature”. God it hurts, I thought! Why me? Not now!
Magically, I glanced over to an older gentleman with a grey beard and shoulder length hair. He was lean. His eyes glimmered with purpose and Gods Light. He could see my pain. He could see that I was hurting so badly that I was about ready to cry. My eyes were swollen with tears and pain. He gently put his hand on my right shoulder. His touch was strong and loving. I looked into his beaming smile. He said “Just take the next step my friend”…and “then the next one”…”you will get there” That was all he ever said. That was it. There was no other verbal communication.
I heard him and I felt his wisdom to my core. My mind shifted. It happened so fast, I almost heard it click. I took the next step and suddenly I was picking up the pace again. I could feel him running near me. I could feel two spirits unite in the purpose of stepping forward. I was relieved. I was feeling strong. I felt so strong that eventually my angel friend and I caught up with our pace group. That was a cool feeling! Finally and gracefully we reached the summit.
I looked all over for my bearded friend. He was no where to be found. He disappeared never to be seen again. I wanted to thank him. He was a Miracle Leader!
What’s the message? In Life and Business there are a few things to keep in mind when the going gets tough. Firstly, it is nice to have people around you that are inspiring. I would not have finished the race without the mental, emotional and spiritual support of my bearded friend. It is good to surround yourself with people that care. Secondly, you must be open to receiving direction from those leaders around us. If you think you alone have all the answers, you will suffer.
Thirdly, just keep stepping. Focus all of your capacity on the next step. You will wear yourself out thinking about the next ten miles. Just take the next step. That’s it. I kid you not. Guess what happens after that step? Yes, that is right…the very next step and the next. Then pick up your foot and step again. It’s that hard and it’s that simple.
What area of your life and business do you need to keep stepping? Where do you feel fatigued? What project, relationship, and situation are you currently dealing with that requires the next step? Most of us are thinking about the problems or the Herculean effort to finish. If you feel stuck…don’t worry about the finish line. Just take the next step.
“He or she that endures to the end wins.”
~John Roger
I look forward to hearing your stories.
Loving,
Stephen McGhee
Filed under: Personal Transformation | Tags: Courage, Empowerment, personal growth, stephen mcghee
The words in the e-mail rang out to me. “I have discovered the secret to life.” The author of these words was a kid. I felt compelled to meet with him to hear what his secret was. I’m glad I did. I soon learned to love and respect this young man for he possesses a greater depth and wisdom than some of us will ever experience.
He was an alcoholic for much of his youth and was stuffing his pain with anything that would numb his body and mind. His life was in a downward spiral. His girl friend had left him and he was mostly estranged from his family. He spent most of his time alone and got fired from a job that he truly loved. He got tired of being drunk and lonely. He took an action that would change his life forever. Change always starts with some kind of action.
I think the movie The Secret was misleading in this way. It led some people to believe that manifestation can be as simple as sitting on our couches and just focusing on changing. It rarely works that way. You must do something. In this case, the action was to pick up a book. Some people laugh at the concept that a book can change lives. Anything can be a catalyst for change in the right situation. This book changed the course of his life. (Read below for title of this book.)
Inspired by what he read, he stopped whining about how things were. He got busy living. He became my friend – and then I became his coach. There have been times he has wanted to quit the coaching. Change is rarely comfortable. I have seen more than a few people quit. It’s easier to quit. The ego loves to quit for it can sense when the heart is ready to open. The ego despises an open heart.
How many of us have wanted to quit? I have quit many times in my life. I have quit on all levels. I have quit physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have learned one thing from quitting. It does not serve me, except to teach me that quitting does not work.
The kind of quitting I am talking about is cheating on your Self. That’s the easy way out… yet we live in a world that condones it. I just saw a commercial about a cooking machine that can turbo cook your food. Maybe that works, and I wonder what a machine like that does to food on a molecular level. Many of us want to turbo charge change in our lives and business. It rarely works that way, at least for the most part.
The process of transformation requires patience. What would happen in your life if you fell in love with being persistent? What if being a life leader involves an honest assessment of your life?
That’s what my profound friend realized the other day. His eyes were lit up, even though his hat was pulled down low and tight. So, I said to him, “What’s the secret of life?” He replied… “The secret to life is facing your fears head on.” He went on to explain that in his past he had avoided what he was afraid of. That’s where the drugs and alcohol came from. “It had to do with avoiding my fears”, he said. He went on. “Yes, I have learned that by facing my fears and not quitting on my self I can have whatever I want in my life.”
I agreed with him, realizing he didn’t need my agreement or anyone else’s. He knew it was true. By the way, my friend/client has his girlfriend back, his dream job, is in great physical shape, and spends a lot of time with his immediate family. Things do change, when one faces his fears.
My council today is to look into your life and ask a few questions of yourself. Where am I quitting on myself? How can I be patient with my life changes? AND….What fear do I have that I am ready to face?
These questions will catapult you into a way of being that can produce miraculous experiences and results. This is one secret that truly works!
Please let me know your stories of how you have persisted in your life leadership?
P.S. The book that the kid read is called Reinventing Yourself by Steve Chandler www.SteveChandler.com
P.S.S. If you really want to dive deeper into the secret of life and learn how to face your fears head on – join Steve Chandler’s www.ClubFearless.net.
Filed under: Best of The Get Real Blog
A chill ran up and down my spine. His voice boomed outward like a freight train. He yelled… “Is anybody alive out there?” He sang it again, this time with greater conviction. “Is anybody alive out there?” The crowd roared affirming inspiration. That moment in time was, in fact, a declaration of living. The most amazing scene was watching 60,000 “Boss” fans, smiling and shouting at the very top of their lungs. I did not see one person hiding their spirit. There was one I noticed who tried to hide. Still, he could not stop himself from breaking out into song. How does that happen?
How does one person inspire so many? Does he do it because he can… or does he do it because he MUST? I think a person demonstrating that level of enthusiasm MUST do it. I have never met Springsteen in person (perhaps it is time I do.) But I bet he would say that singing is akin to breathing. He must do it. It seems rather obvious that, after 30 years of writing songs and singing in venues all over the world, he loves rocking an audience!
I have a question for you today? What is it in your life that you MUST do?
I don’t mean must from a sense of having to do something. “Have to’s” suck the life right out of you. I hear it often when I am coaching people. “I have to go to work” and “I have to work out today” or “I have to do my budget for the second quarter.” In all these years of assisting people in their lives, I have NEVER seen anyone inspired from a “have to”. Many of us have chosen to believe we “have to” do certain things. From the view of Miraculous Leadership, you don’t “have to” do anything!
Of course, there are things in your life that are not on the top of your enjoyment scale. Even those things are worthy of a clear choice. But a clear choice is different then rationalizing a “have to.” Rationalizations are exactly as the word describes. They are rational lies that keep us from our greatest purpose. This kind of thinking will lead us to our graves with our masterpiece still inside.
Today, I invite you to consider: What MUST you do? What is it that you have to share with the world that makes you feel alive? If it makes you feel alive, it will most assuredly make others feel alive. The energetic of MUST is riddled with creativity and innovation. It is creation itself. Was Da Vinci was creative? How about Rumi? What about a powerful corporate leader that inspires people by walking her talk? How about a contemporary example like Tiger Woods? What do they all have in common? They all loved or love sharing their gift with others. From my interviews and my experience, this MUST thing is for real. It will have you bounding out of bed. You likely won’t find many rational lies when you must accomplish something.
Keep in mind, that MUST living is not about attaching to a result. Living in the MUST of life is freeing. I am guessing Bruce Springsteen did not take the stage last night thinking: How can I get all of these people to love me? He loves his singing and his band so much, that the stadium got filled with love. He got up on stage and shared his MUST. It is irrefutable, even for non Boss fans…that something’s happening.
Now, I have some fantastic news for you. You have a MUST. Every one of us reading this “loves” to do something. My message to you today, is don’t wait to do what you love. There will always be reasons to avoid your MUST. Don’t do it. Life is too short and you have a song to sing. You have a prayer to write. You have a sport to play. You have a pottery class to take. You have a business to begin. You have a book to write. You have a MUST.
What is your MUST? Whatever it is, DO IT! Once you begin doing the thing you love, your purpose will emerge with rhythm and Grace. I promise you…. do what you love with consistency and wonderful things will happen. I say this with conviction because it happened to me. It didn’t happen overnight. But once I grabbed the microphone…miracles began to flow. And this will happen to you as well.
If you are not yet Living in your Must, what are you waiting for? What would your life look like? How are you going to grab your microphone? Would you be willing to share that with others?
I can’t wait to hear your stories.
With Loving,
Stephen
Filed under: Courage
He lied to me. Basically, he told me I would “never” lead a normal life if I did not get the surgery. This was nearly 20 years ago and it seems as present as early morning today.
I was told that he was one of the top five surgeons in the entire world. I respected him. The accident had occurred a few weeks earlier and to this day nobody really knows why it happened. I had been in the intensive care unit for eight days and the blood clot could have traveled to a lung. It was nearly fatal for me. After the clot cleared I was told by the Doctor that I would never be the “same” and that I would not enjoy the activities that I so loved up until my late twenties. I was scared. I felt vulnerable. I needed to trust someone as to what to do? When have you been in a situation like that?
Have you ever felt the pressure of a decision that would radically change your life? Do you have a decision like that right now? When I consider the relationship between choices and leadership I look at a few elements. One, I want to do my diligence. What is the information that I need to make a solid decision? How many of us have been in a situation where the evidence on either side of the choice is equally compelling? It can be disarming to say the least. It’s confusing because both sides of the results have upsides and downsides. Who do you trust when you are faced with this predicament?
You trust your Self. As life and business leaders we all have an equally powerful ability to attune ourselves to our gut. To listen to that very still quiet voice deep inside that resonates with knowing and truth. The truth from this voice may not be true for anyone but you. There may be really smart experts that “tell” you your voice is absurd. Is it really? Is it really crazy to consider that you are self referential? Why not you? What are thinking? Do you feel that kind of centered attunement is reserved only to a few illumined gurus?
I think not. I feel you are the expert in your own life. Once you have gathered the important information on a tough decision in your life or business; trust your gut. That’s right. That little belly that hangs out a little bit over most of our belts has a powerful voice deep down inside. There are two important keys to “gut listening”. One you must trust yourself more than you trust other people. If you trust other people more than you trust yourself you will tend to listen to the opinions of others rather than this fabulous voice inside. This is not to say, “I am going to be radically stupid and ignore council from others”. NO not at all. It means at some point you must take some action and following your gut takes courage. It takes guts to follow your gut.
Secondly, you must learn to listen to this level of intuition. It will require being grounded and quiet. Sitting long enough to ruminate (I love that word) on what “feels” logical and intuitive all in the same breath. That is wisdom. When the heart and head come together we are listening to the belly within.
So there I was, sitting on the edge of change outside the hospital room. I wanted to make the “right” choice. There was nobody with me at the time. I was scheduled for the body altering surgery the next morning. What the hell should I do? I got quieter than my own fear. I found peace was still deep down inside. Once I got to that sacred place inside, the voice boomed at me like James Earl Jones. It said; “You don’t need to get the surgery” and “You will be fine without it”. There was nothing but clarity.
I trusted that voice. I marched back to the 10th floor of the hospital; in fact I took the stairs. I walked in unannounced and blurted to the world renowned specialist. Sir, “while I appreciate your advice on my having this surgery”, “I am choosing to not go through with it”. Let’s just say he was not happy. I really cannot blame him. After all, I screwed up his schedule. He reminded me of the looming doom in my life if I did not move forward with the surgery. I know he believed it. I don’t condemn him for a thing. I also know I trust my life decisions with me.
As mentioned, nearly 20 years have passed since that day. I have done thousands of yoga classes, rafted in class five white water, run endurance races, triathlons, rock climbed in the Andes, Tyrolean traversed beautiful gorges, lifted weights, sky dived, skied big bumps, snow shoed up 14ers, etc. Most of those things would not have been possible if I would have said no to me and yes to another person’s advice.
What’s valuable in this message for you today? How can you trust your gut on a decision in your life? Life and business Leadership requires guts.
Loving,
Stephen McGhee
